Learning. I'm still learning: to give up my expectations; to be "fully
here" even when my heart doesn't want to be; to not miss those God
moments; to fight back when the enemy tries to make me stumble; to enjoy
my season in China; to rely on His strength and not my own; to live one
day at a time.
That pretty much sums up where I'm at right now (again). And I'm wrestling with these life lessons that seem to be magnified as I enter my second year in China and forth year teaching overseas.
I'd really appreciate your prayers--
-to have joy in being here for another year and remember that God has me here for a reason
-to settle in to my new apartment and new teaching year
-to be motivated to finish my grad class (taking it for credit towards my teaching license)
-to not think about the "what's next?" after this contract so that I can focus on serving well this year
-to trust that God knows what He's doing when it comes to my life, even when I don't
-to spend more personal time in prayer about these things
I'm back in the states and have so much to share! For now, here are two quotes that I stumbled upon and shared with my PFO small group this morning [Don't know what PFO is? You will soon :)]. We were reflecting on 1 Peter 1:13-16:
"So
think clearly and exercise self-control. Look forward to the gracious
salvation that will come to you when Jesus Christ is revealed to the
world.So
you must live as God’s obedient children. Don’t slip back into your old
ways of living to satisfy your own desires. You didn’t know any better
then.But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy.For the Scriptures say, 'You must be holy because I am holy.'" NLT, emphasis added
"Holy is the way
God is. To be holy he does not conform to a standard. He is that standard. He is
absolutely holy with an infinite, incomprehensible fullness of purity that is
incapable of being other than it is. Because he is holy, all his attributes are
holy; that is, whatever we think of as belonging to God must be thought of as
holy....The whole purpose of
God in redemption is to make us holy and to restore us to the image of God." -A.W. Tozer
“Many Christians have what we might
call a ‘cultural holiness.’ They adapt to the character and behavior
pattern of Christians around them. As the Christian culture around them
is more or less holy, so these Christians are more or less holy. But God
has not called us to be like those around us. He has called us to be
like himself. Holiness is nothing less than conformity to the character
of God.” -Jerry Bridges
I've been on spring break for the past week, and it's been glorious. My days have been filled with "fresh" Beijing air, good food (including guacamole!!), dancing, laughter, and celebrating. It's been so nice to relax. To wake up and stay in my pj's all morning. To temporarily be free from teaching responsibilities. Temporarily.
I started feeling the weight of work around Thursday. I have a new student who is starting on Monday, so I needed to get her desk and books in order before then. I went in to work for a few hours and was greeted by the piles on my desk of books that were left for planning and papers that were left for grading. Yikes. I did the logical thing and put off working on them until today. O Lord, break my procrastinating spirit!
I met up with my co-teacher to plan and quickly started to feel anxious. It's been a challenging year for us, and I think being off work has made me realize how consuming this year has been. I had a hard time refocusing and getting back into teacher mode. I took a short break from work then decided to go sit outside and grade papers in the sun. I had spent all day inside, and it would have been a waste of a beautiful weather day not to be outside.
I was listening to music and a song from Bethel Live started playing that reminded me that tomorrow is Easter. I've busied myself with so much that my mind has been on other things. So sad. The song starts with the line I will not forget the cross. But I do, more often than my sinful heart would care to admit. I fail on a daily basis to think of how blessed I am, that suffering, [He] traded blood for me. Wow.
Even as I write this, the truth and power behind those words are still hitting me. Here I am, sitting on my bed thinking about my messy room that I should have cleaned weeks ago, and the unfinished lesson plans I need to work on tomorrow. Consumed by my unnecessary busyness. My sin. But somehow, despite my repetitive weakness, my pride, my selfishness, He saw me worthy of that sort of sacrifice. He freely gave His life for me knowing what kind of person I'd be. All for love. Praying that my heart (and yours) receives that today, and every day.
