"A rejection, or in Scripture’s strong language, a crucifixion of the natural self is the passport to everlasting life. Nothing that has not died will be resurrected."
C. S. Lewis
The Weight of Glory
Saturday, June 28, 2014
Thursday, June 19, 2014
inked
Today I got the last two characters of my China 2008 scroll tattooed (the top one was done back in 2008, a few months after my trip)!!
A bit spontaneous, but I've been thinking about doing this since 2009, as seen by this Sharpie tattoo drawn by my friend my first year in Korea :)
I love the verses that the scroll (and now tattoos) are based on, verses that are sung (briefly) in Starfield's song "Over My Head" which I listened to often during my summer trip, verses that God led me to the morning I celebrated my 23rd birthday in Longyan, China--
"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and to provide for those who grieve in Zion-- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of His splendor." Isaiah 61: 1-3
God taught me much about beauty in brokenness through working with special needs orphans and abandoned children that summer in China. That first trip to China stripped me raw and changed my life, and I am happy to wear that Ebenezer on my arm.
 |
| beauty. joy. mercy. |
A bit spontaneous, but I've been thinking about doing this since 2009, as seen by this Sharpie tattoo drawn by my friend my first year in Korea :)
I love the verses that the scroll (and now tattoos) are based on, verses that are sung (briefly) in Starfield's song "Over My Head" which I listened to often during my summer trip, verses that God led me to the morning I celebrated my 23rd birthday in Longyan, China--
"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and to provide for those who grieve in Zion-- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of His splendor." Isaiah 61: 1-3
God taught me much about beauty in brokenness through working with special needs orphans and abandoned children that summer in China. That first trip to China stripped me raw and changed my life, and I am happy to wear that Ebenezer on my arm.
Friday, May 30, 2014
"He washed it white as snow"
"Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool." -Isaiah 1:18
The greatest sinners, if they truly repent, shall have their sins forgiven them, and so have their consciences pacified and purified. Though our sins have been as scarlet and crimson, as deep dye, a double dye, first in the wool of original corruption and afterwards in the many threads of actual transgression—though we have been often dipped, by our many backslidings, into sin, and though we have lain long soaking in it, as the cloth does in the scarlet dye, yet pardoning mercy will thoroughly discharge the stain, and, being by it purged as with hyssop, we shall be clean.
-from Matthew Henry Commentary
The greatest sinners, if they truly repent, shall have their sins forgiven them, and so have their consciences pacified and purified. Though our sins have been as scarlet and crimson, as deep dye, a double dye, first in the wool of original corruption and afterwards in the many threads of actual transgression—though we have been often dipped, by our many backslidings, into sin, and though we have lain long soaking in it, as the cloth does in the scarlet dye, yet pardoning mercy will thoroughly discharge the stain, and, being by it purged as with hyssop, we shall be clean.
-from Matthew Henry Commentary
Thursday, April 17, 2014
a letter from lewis
TO MARY WILLIS SHELBURNE: On the hard task of learning to depend only on God and on nothing and no one else.
6 December 1955
I feel it almost impossible to say anything (in my comfort and security—apparent security, for real security is in Heaven and thus earth affords only imitations) which would not sound horribly false and facile. Also, you know it all better than I do. I should in your place be (I have in similar places been) far more panic-stricken and even perhaps rebellious. For it is a dreadful truth that the state of (as you say) ‘having to depend solely on God’ is what we all dread most. And of course that just shows how very much, how almost exclusively, we have been depending on things. That trouble goes so far back in our lives and is now so deeply ingrained, we will not turn to Him as long as He leaves us anything else to turn to. I suppose all one can say is that it was bound to come. In the hour of death and the day of judgement, what else shall we have? Perhaps when those moments come, they will feel happiest who have been forced (however unwillingly) to begin practising it here on earth. It is good of Him to force us: but dear me, how hard to feel that it is good at the time....
Yours, Jack
6 December 1955
I feel it almost impossible to say anything (in my comfort and security—apparent security, for real security is in Heaven and thus earth affords only imitations) which would not sound horribly false and facile. Also, you know it all better than I do. I should in your place be (I have in similar places been) far more panic-stricken and even perhaps rebellious. For it is a dreadful truth that the state of (as you say) ‘having to depend solely on God’ is what we all dread most. And of course that just shows how very much, how almost exclusively, we have been depending on things. That trouble goes so far back in our lives and is now so deeply ingrained, we will not turn to Him as long as He leaves us anything else to turn to. I suppose all one can say is that it was bound to come. In the hour of death and the day of judgement, what else shall we have? Perhaps when those moments come, they will feel happiest who have been forced (however unwillingly) to begin practising it here on earth. It is good of Him to force us: but dear me, how hard to feel that it is good at the time....
Yours, Jack
Saturday, April 12, 2014
on heaven
"But God will look to every soul like its first love because He is its
first love. Your place in heaven will seem to be made for you and you
alone, because you were made for it—made for it stitch by stitch as a
glove is made for a hand."
beautiful words of C.S. Lewis
The Problem of Pain
beautiful words of C.S. Lewis
The Problem of Pain
Monday, April 7, 2014
on worry
a verse from Sunday's sermon-
"Do not be afraid...
stand firm and you will see the deliverance of the LORD (NIVUK)...
stand still and see the salvation of the LORD (NKJV)...
be strong and see how the LORD will save you (NLV)...
stand still and watch the LORD rescue you (NLT)...
The LORD Himself will fight for you; you need only to be still." (NIV)
Exodus 14:13-14
"Do not be afraid...
stand firm and you will see the deliverance of the LORD (NIVUK)...
stand still and see the salvation of the LORD (NKJV)...
be strong and see how the LORD will save you (NLV)...
stand still and watch the LORD rescue you (NLT)...
today.
The LORD Himself will fight for you; you need only to be still." (NIV)
Exodus 14:13-14
Thursday, April 3, 2014
trials...
This year has (already!) been full of them.
And they keep coming.
Life is tough. And not just because I'm getting older and some things are naturally harder. I'm becoming more painfully aware of sin and of the brokenness and destruction it brings. Just look at the news and you'll see how the world is just crumbling under it. And not just on a global scale....effects of sin get personal and hit home more often then I'd like to admit.
Real life is messy and nothing like the movies or television shows I wish were my life: scripted, somewhat predictable, rehearsed and played out to perfection--because actors always get do-overs, seen from every person's perspective, accompanied by mood music (I really wish my life had a soundtrack).
In my last post I mentioned how David's life and his psalms offer validation to the often harsh reality of our circumstances. But reading about David and others in the Bible sometimes makes me feel the opposite. It's so easy for me to think that their faith was effortless because I get to see how their story plays out. I get to see what happens next and how God brings them through. I get to see the bigger picture and what circumstances, both good and bad, look like in context. But my life isn't like that. I don't know how my current situations are going to turn out. I don't always see them coming and I don't know how they end. And that's really hard for me.
And they keep coming.
Life is tough. And not just because I'm getting older and some things are naturally harder. I'm becoming more painfully aware of sin and of the brokenness and destruction it brings. Just look at the news and you'll see how the world is just crumbling under it. And not just on a global scale....effects of sin get personal and hit home more often then I'd like to admit.
Real life is messy and nothing like the movies or television shows I wish were my life: scripted, somewhat predictable, rehearsed and played out to perfection--because actors always get do-overs, seen from every person's perspective, accompanied by mood music (I really wish my life had a soundtrack).
In my last post I mentioned how David's life and his psalms offer validation to the often harsh reality of our circumstances. But reading about David and others in the Bible sometimes makes me feel the opposite. It's so easy for me to think that their faith was effortless because I get to see how their story plays out. I get to see what happens next and how God brings them through. I get to see the bigger picture and what circumstances, both good and bad, look like in context. But my life isn't like that. I don't know how my current situations are going to turn out. I don't always see them coming and I don't know how they end. And that's really hard for me.
Saturday, March 1, 2014
grammar lesson
God put this verse in my path this evening while I was perusing Instagram:
and in His grace He reminded me of this truth--
Those words and the two verses that come before them are not optional. They're commands.
(You) Always be joyful.
(You) Never stop praying.
(You) Be thankful in all circumstances.
Simple grammar that I taught my third graders last year. Imperative sentences.
This is His will for me because I belong to Christ Jesus.
It's not always easy to give thanks in all circumstances, but has He ever left us short of things to be thankful for?
Habakkuk seemed to understand this, even without ever reading Paul's letter. And maybe even without ever seeing the justice for the wickedness and violence he cried out to God for. And I really believe Habakkuk was able to rejoice, not just with his words but genuinely with his heart and whole being, even when everything around him was failing and hopeless. Because I don't believe God would give us his story in His Word if it weren't possible to follow.
And David's psalms. They paint such a perfect picture of life, don't they? They're real, and honest, and validate that our circumstances at times are hard and very overwhelming. David shows us that although we have this amazing freedom to grieve before the Lord in our circumstances, we still need to praise Him despite them.
I think that's the hardest part, the meshing of two realities: sin has brought such heaviness and brokenness and suffering into this world, yet God.is.still.good.
But I think it's a choice. A choice to be thankful, to take on joy instead of bitterness, because we're not always going to feel like doing those things when our hearts are weary. And the only reason we're able to choose joy and thankfulness, the only reason David was able to, is because God shows us His goodness. David experienced God's goodness and faithfulness and salvation and mercy, His strength and redemption and love. We have the opportunity to know Him like David did, too.
And so, based on my experiences with the Lord and not on my emotions, I will choose to rejoice and be thankful in my circumstances.
 |
| New Living Translation |
and in His grace He reminded me of this truth--
Those words and the two verses that come before them are not optional. They're commands.
(You) Always be joyful.
(You) Never stop praying.
(You) Be thankful in all circumstances.
Simple grammar that I taught my third graders last year. Imperative sentences.
This is His will for me because I belong to Christ Jesus.
It's not always easy to give thanks in all circumstances, but has He ever left us short of things to be thankful for?
Habakkuk seemed to understand this, even without ever reading Paul's letter. And maybe even without ever seeing the justice for the wickedness and violence he cried out to God for. And I really believe Habakkuk was able to rejoice, not just with his words but genuinely with his heart and whole being, even when everything around him was failing and hopeless. Because I don't believe God would give us his story in His Word if it weren't possible to follow.
And David's psalms. They paint such a perfect picture of life, don't they? They're real, and honest, and validate that our circumstances at times are hard and very overwhelming. David shows us that although we have this amazing freedom to grieve before the Lord in our circumstances, we still need to praise Him despite them.
I think that's the hardest part, the meshing of two realities: sin has brought such heaviness and brokenness and suffering into this world, yet God.is.still.good.
But I think it's a choice. A choice to be thankful, to take on joy instead of bitterness, because we're not always going to feel like doing those things when our hearts are weary. And the only reason we're able to choose joy and thankfulness, the only reason David was able to, is because God shows us His goodness. David experienced God's goodness and faithfulness and salvation and mercy, His strength and redemption and love. We have the opportunity to know Him like David did, too.
And so, based on my experiences with the Lord and not on my emotions, I will choose to rejoice and be thankful in my circumstances.
Monday, February 24, 2014
Monday, February 17, 2014
shouts of joy
Came across a sweet memory in my inbox tonight. I had sent myself this email back in 2010, my second year teaching 6th grade in Korea. I'm guessing I quickly wrote it down during a break so I could transfer it to my journal later. So thankful for emails and journals to remember these moments by...
Today we talked about the word 'dignify' during spelling class. It's one of our vocab words for this week so I asked my kids where they've heard that word before. I sang the chorus of Undignified for them and then talked about what it meant to be 'undignified' --> crazy, no pride, just worshiping God. Aaron asked this question: "You know how if someone does something nice for you or keeps saying your name? And you can get shy? If we keep saying His name, does He like it? Is God shy?"
Precious.
God brought to my mind the verse in Zephaniah that I have written on a post-it on my computer. I grabbed it and read, "God takes great delight in you! He quiets you with his love. He rejoices over you with singing!" (Zeph. 3:17b). We talked about how "with singing" actually means "with shouts of joy." God actually cries out in joy over His creation! Pretty amazing.
So to answer his question, no, God isn't shy. He dances and sings and shouts His love over us, so we should do the same when we worship Him. He delights in our praise.
What a beautiful teaching moment.
Thanks, God.
Today we talked about the word 'dignify' during spelling class. It's one of our vocab words for this week so I asked my kids where they've heard that word before. I sang the chorus of Undignified for them and then talked about what it meant to be 'undignified' --> crazy, no pride, just worshiping God. Aaron asked this question: "You know how if someone does something nice for you or keeps saying your name? And you can get shy? If we keep saying His name, does He like it? Is God shy?"
Precious.
God brought to my mind the verse in Zephaniah that I have written on a post-it on my computer. I grabbed it and read, "God takes great delight in you! He quiets you with his love. He rejoices over you with singing!" (Zeph. 3:17b). We talked about how "with singing" actually means "with shouts of joy." God actually cries out in joy over His creation! Pretty amazing.
So to answer his question, no, God isn't shy. He dances and sings and shouts His love over us, so we should do the same when we worship Him. He delights in our praise.
What a beautiful teaching moment.
Thanks, God.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
mud pies
As I checked my inbox and read my C. S. Lewis Daily this morning, I was hit with major conviction.
If I'm honest, there are times when I enjoy sitting in the slums making mud pies. But unlike the ignorant child in C. S. Lewis' example, I have no excuse. I have been to that sea and have experienced that joy. Yet I still choose to stay and play with mud.
Why, if I'm offered His best, the riches of His kingdom, the blessings of being His, do I choose less?
Why, when I realize my heart has wandered, do I choose to stay where I am?
Because of pride, an unwillingness to face God [the ultimate Forgiver] and admit my faults.
Because sin doesn't sicken me like it should.
Because I am far too easily pleased with the temporary, with immediate gratification, than I am with the eternal.
Because when I let my guard down, Satan does what he does best: steals, kills, and destroys. And like my friend said to me the other day, he doesn't need a Plan B because he is good at what he does.
Isn't that unsettling?
I allow myself to be so easily tempted out of God's presence [although He never leaves me or forsakes me, I often walk away from Him] and deceived into thinking that what Satan has to offer is somehow better.....like being given pearls and jewels but instead wanting the cheap ring that will turn my finger green and break a week later.
But because nothing can separate me from God's love, I don't wander alone. As I sit playing in the mud, sin-stained and covered in cheap accessories, He shows up. Despite my lack of commitment and my foolishness, He fights for me. He gives me His Spirit who calls me out and convicts me of my sin. Without question, every.single.time., He takes me back. And if I choose [daily] to follow Him, He not only washes me clean and clothes me in righteousness but continuously offers that trip to the sea and that immeasurable joy.
Incredible.
 |
| from The Weight of Glory |
If I'm honest, there are times when I enjoy sitting in the slums making mud pies. But unlike the ignorant child in C. S. Lewis' example, I have no excuse. I have been to that sea and have experienced that joy. Yet I still choose to stay and play with mud.
Why, if I'm offered His best, the riches of His kingdom, the blessings of being His, do I choose less?
Why, when I realize my heart has wandered, do I choose to stay where I am?
Because of pride, an unwillingness to face God [the ultimate Forgiver] and admit my faults.
Because sin doesn't sicken me like it should.
Because I am far too easily pleased with the temporary, with immediate gratification, than I am with the eternal.
Because when I let my guard down, Satan does what he does best: steals, kills, and destroys. And like my friend said to me the other day, he doesn't need a Plan B because he is good at what he does.
Isn't that unsettling?
I allow myself to be so easily tempted out of God's presence [although He never leaves me or forsakes me, I often walk away from Him] and deceived into thinking that what Satan has to offer is somehow better.....like being given pearls and jewels but instead wanting the cheap ring that will turn my finger green and break a week later.
But because nothing can separate me from God's love, I don't wander alone. As I sit playing in the mud, sin-stained and covered in cheap accessories, He shows up. Despite my lack of commitment and my foolishness, He fights for me. He gives me His Spirit who calls me out and convicts me of my sin. Without question, every.single.time., He takes me back. And if I choose [daily] to follow Him, He not only washes me clean and clothes me in righteousness but continuously offers that trip to the sea and that immeasurable joy.
Incredible.
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