a letter from lewis

TO MARY WILLIS SHELBURNE: On the hard task of learning to depend only on God and on nothing and no one else.

6 December 1955

I feel it almost impossible to say anything (in my comfort and security—apparent security, for real security is in Heaven and thus earth affords only imitations) which would not sound horribly false and facile. Also, you know it all better than I do. I should in your place be (I have in similar places been) far more panic-stricken and even perhaps rebellious. For it is a dreadful truth that the state of (as you say) ‘having to depend solely on God’ is what we all dread most. And of course that just shows how very much, how almost exclusively, we have been depending on things. That trouble goes so far back in our lives and is now so deeply ingrained, we will not turn to Him as long as He leaves us anything else to turn to. I suppose all one can say is that it was bound to come. In the hour of death and the day of judgement, what else shall we have? Perhaps when those moments come, they will feel happiest who have been forced (however unwillingly) to begin practising it here on earth. It is good of Him to force us: but dear me, how hard to feel that it is good at the time....

Yours, Jack

happy spring

open windows and plenty of sunshine.

today's weather was good for my soul.

on heaven

"But God will look to every soul like its first love because He is its first love. Your place in heaven will seem to be made for you and you alone, because you were made for it—made for it stitch by stitch as a glove is made for a hand."

beautiful words of C.S. Lewis
The Problem of Pain

on worry

a verse from Sunday's sermon-

"Do not be afraid...

stand firm and you will see the deliverance of the LORD (NIVUK)...
stand still and see the salvation of the LORD (NKJV)...
be strong and see how the LORD will save you (NLV)...
stand still and watch the LORD rescue you (NLT)...

                               today.

The LORD Himself will fight for you; you need only to be still." (NIV)

Exodus 14:13-14

trials...

This year has (already!) been full of them.

And they keep coming.

Life is tough. And not just because I'm getting older and some things are naturally harder. I'm becoming more painfully aware of sin and of the brokenness and destruction it brings. Just look at the news and you'll see how the world is just crumbling under it. And not just on a global scale....effects of sin get personal and hit home more often then I'd like to admit.

Real life is messy and nothing like the movies or television shows I wish were my life: scripted, somewhat predictable, rehearsed and played out to perfection--because actors always get do-overs, seen from every person's perspective, accompanied by mood music (I really wish my life had a soundtrack).

In my last post I mentioned how David's life and his psalms offer validation to the often harsh reality of our circumstances. But reading about David and others in the Bible sometimes makes me feel the opposite. It's so easy for me to think that their faith was effortless because I get to see how their story plays out. I get to see what happens next and how God brings them through. I get to see the bigger picture and what circumstances, both good and bad, look like in context. But my life isn't like that. I don't know how my current situations are going to turn out. I don't always see them coming and I don't know how they end. And that's really hard for me.